The Impaling Familiar
by GargleBlaster
Summary: Vlad Dracula finds himself in Halkeginia and he does not like was he sees.
1. The Impaler Lord

The orange leaves that dotted the forest floor were the first heralds of the coming autumn, the rustling of trees disturbed by migrating birds and the chattering of wildlife as they prepared for the upcoming winter, these were the sounds that assailed the ears of the man who was propped against the neck of his horse. His once shining armor was now dirtied by dried blood. The brown cloak that covered him provided only a meager protection from the onset of cold. His once proud steed so tired it was a miracle that it was still trotting along the bumpy dirt road. Once the man was a proud Wallachian vovoide but now he was dog running with his tail behind his legs.

It all started during the siege of Poenari castle, his lair where the man's traitorous brother along with the Turkish Janissaries finally broke the back of his army. It was only through his sheer guile did the man escape the castle in order to continue his war on the ottomans. But war was expensive and eventually his coffers went dry. Now here he was alone riding into Hungary in order to ask for help from his old friend Matthias.

The man horse neighed before coming to a halt. The man at first tugged its reigns and ordered the animal to move forward. Then he took out his riding crop using it to discipline the disobedient creature. Yet it still would not budge.

He sighed, a deep sigh that revealed how tired he was. The man got off; he could not blame the horse for it had ridden him nonstop for almost a fortnight, as the man walked on without the horse he could hear the cracking of leaves as his steel sabatons stepped over the fallen dead leaves. He could smell the crisp autumn air and thought to himself of his dear Wallachia. If it were not for war the yearly crops would have already been harvested, the peasants and the wretched boyars would then probably celebrate a festival by now. Then the thought of his home burning, subjected by an ottoman army with his brother at its head crossed the man's mind. Visions of what would happen if he did not turn back the Turks spurred the man to hurry forward.

The man however had strained himself far beyond the limits of his middle-aged body. Pain coursed through his left foot as the man felt on his face. He sat up and despaired, his foot was probably fraught with boils, blisters and all nasty blandishments of the flesh.

What was he thinking? It was over. He knew it in the depths of his heart. Radu was a traitorous craven bastard of a brother but like him he was taught the arts of warfare both physical and psychological by the Ottomans. Even if he were to procure the necessary funds it was too late for him to tip the scales of this war.

The man got up and still walked on, his step having a slight limp to it. Wallachia will burn he knew. But the man promised he would avenge it. First he would go to Matthias, raise an army and then return to reconquer Wallachia. On that day the Turkish will understand the true meaning of fear. First the levies and conscripts shall be subject to impalement through wooden stakes, stakes which will gradually be lengthened as he rose through the ranks. The longest stake reserved for his brother.

"AHHHH!" A scream of pure agony broke the quite forest as the man's retinas almost burned out of his eye sockets. When his sight returned he saw a circle of some swirling purple energy. It was oval in shape. On its circumference it was the color of imperial purple but as one went deeper into its center in became darker before turning into a rich shade of indigo.

The man was wary, was this sorcery? He made a sign of the cross just in case, the way he did it implied the man was of the Eastern Orthodox instead of the Western Catholics.

The strange purple thing continued to stay there for some time, just hovering a few inches of the ground. The man felt trepidation. This thing was an abomination something abhorrent to the eyes of God.

"I don't have time for this nonsense." The man attempted to side step the strange phenomenon; he had a kingdom to save after all. He walked to the left, the thing followed. He walked to the right, it followed again. Frustrated his eyes darted from tree to branch to bird looking for a hidden threat that did not exist.

"IS THIS YOUR DOING RADU?! DON'T TELL ME THE FOLLOWERS OF MAHOMET RESORT TO THE TRICKS OF THE DEVIL!" He yelled as if there were people present to hear him.

He turned his eyes back the purple circle. Who knew what sort of devilry was it capable of? Not knowing what to do the awestruck man picked up a stick and tossed it at the floating circle. The twig flew right through the portal as if it was transparent. After seeing what happened the man warily raised his hand and touched the portal, was the portal an illusion perhaps? A cunning ploy meant to keep him from achieving his goal? Immediately he got his answer as like quicksand his hand, then his arm and he himself was slowly being pulled into it.

The man struggled vigorously but to no avail for his arm was fairly rooted in the cursed thing. He called to his horse hoping the beast still had some energy left in it, but no the creature remained rooted in place, staring at its master as he was slowly being swallowed.

"NO! YOU SHALL NOT TAKE ME YOU FOUL THING! LET GO! WALLACHIA! MY DEAR WAL-" He was abruptly cut off as he was fully consumed by the portal.

The purple doorway flickered and then disappeared. With it gone no one will know the truth about the man who would go down in history as Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia. Known to his friends as Vlad Dracula defender of Christendom and known to his Turkish foes as Kazikli Bey, The Impaler Lord.


	2. Impaler Meet Zero

The yard was covered with a fine layer of soot. As dust and ash seeped into the lungs of all those unfortunate to suffer yet another of Louise's failure. The girl herself who was now flat on her back felt tears dripping down her cheeks. What was she thinking? Why did she think the springtime familiar summoning would be any different from her usual fare of disasters?

She took out her handkerchief and wiped away the mucus that was running down her chin. Though she may be a failure she will at least try to salvage as much dignity as she can. Louise struggled in standing up; her body aching all over. The explosion was a lot more powerful than her usual fare.

"Look, there's something inside the circle." A voice both husky yet light managed of break through the swirling cloud of smog. True to the voices word there was a dark figure standing in where the summoning circle had been.

An older gentleman with a receding hairline cleaned his spectacles before chanting a basic dot spell. The light breeze that flowed through the courtyard took the smoke away with its currents. Very soon all was visible; the young nobles who comprised the 2nd year class of Tritains academy of magic were glaring at the pink haired sorceress responsible for the earlier explosion. She ignored their piercing gazes as her heart fluttered. Magic! She had summoned something! Finally she had proof of her magic, but then her heart fell as quickly as it flew once she discovered what she had exactly summoned.

It was prostrating on its knees, in the middle of a scorched ashen crater that was once grass and a summoning circle, it was a man.

The girl was utterly broken, she had summoned a peasant. A plebian, no dragon no manticore it was a man, a fleshy weak and utterly unremarkable man. Wait, no not unremarkable. The girl saw his clasped hands that were not hidden by his grungy robes; they were covered in steel gauntlets. This only meant one thing.

'A mercenary, a very well paid one. O-or a knight, Brimir help me if he's a knight.' She imagined an outraged noble visiting her family estate. Asking why one of his knights was summoned by a little pathetic girl. Her mother seething as she banished the girl from her home. Oh no this was even worse than summoning a plebian.

Her heart was beating fast and she was dangerously close to hyperventilating if it were not for the hand clasping her shoulder.

"Go on Miss Valleire complete the summoning." Professor Colbert ushered on like a man teaching his child to walk. Louise looked at her mentor and immediately all the stress and anxiety that she felt melted away once her eyes met her teachers. Yes she was going do this regardless if it were a knight, mercenary or plebian. He was summoned through the ritual which meant he was meant to be her familiar.

The girl knelt, she felt powerful and grand as the man shivered, like he was cowering under her powerful magic. Louise was trying to figure out where she would kiss the stranger. His head was bent downwards and he rocked back and forth like a rocking chair. The man seemed terrified.

'Must not be a mage.' She felt a little relieved. This meant the man had to be a mercenary for even though non-magical knights are not unheard off, they were rare enough that it was negligible.

The girl decided on kissing his perspiring forehead, she heard a soft voice and recognized it as coming from the man, it felt cracked and strained as if he was unused to speaking so soft. She bent her head forward and the closer she got the more she was able to make out what the man was whispering.

"Doamne Iisuse Hristoase, Fiul lui Dumnezeu, miluieşte-mă pe mine păcătosul."It sounded strange, not like any language she had ever heard off and he was repeating it continuously over and over again. The way he said it, a mix of fever and desperation made it almost sounded like he was praying.

Her lips made contact just above his brow. She stuck out her tongue as her taste buds recognized the unpleasant taste of sodium. As she was trying to forget the taste of sweat the man stopped shivering. His head was lifting and his face now shown to Louise. The girl recoiled in horror as she saw the ghastly image that was her familiar.

He was ugly and even then the word barely gave the things complexion justice. He had a horrible slanting over sized nose, his eyes more appropriate on a dried up fish then a humans, his cheeks sunken and hollow. It was less of a man and more of a creature out of myth.

"What did you do to me?" The man questioned, with a garbled voice. He was in pain that meant the familiar runes were activating.

"I branded you as my familiar, be grateful you dirty ruffian." Louise haughtily said.

The man was on top of her an instant, his hands around her dainty little neck. Yet they were not tightening, the man was incredulous with rage at the devilry that the girl had done to him. For the first time in a life rife with strife and violence he was unable to kill this girl that was lying helpless before him.

Louise whimpered as the crazed mercenary's hands grabbed hold of her neck, pinning her down. Was this how she was going to die, murdered by her own familiar? Yet death did not come. The man was straining to the point where sweat was falling on her face. He then stopped, his hands no longer around her neck and his eyes wide in astonishment before they turned back towards her like daggers.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME WITCH!" He howled with fury. Even louder than the blast of wind that dismounted him from Louise. The girl felt someone tugging on her collar and pulling her away from the disoriented madman.

Professor Colbert helped Louise back to her feet, his eyes easily giving way the concern he felt for his pupil.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Y-yeah he d-didn't do anything." Louise meekly said.

The students who surrounded this farce were looking on with shock. Some were whispering about Louise and how she couldn't even control her own familiar. Those of the weak of heart had their hands on their mouths, asking whether Louise was all right. Other meaner voices talked about Louise deserving that little ordeal for being unable to handle her familiar.

Vlad got up, hate and a desire to murder the only thing animating his tired frame, his eyes lost focus in his bloodlust and when it returned back to normal he saw the warlock who had casted the fell sorcery that forced him down. His staff was waving in the air and he was talking in a tongue that sounded like it came from demons. When he was finished a large pillar of flame twice the height of Vlad erupted from under the ground near the Impaler. He fell backwards and cursed as the flaming pillar almost singed his mustache.

Another pillar erupted near the flame and then another and another, very soon a circle of flame surrounded Vlad. It was horrific,as if hell itself had come to claim him. The flame circle at the top bent and Vlad thought it was going to burn him into nothing but ashes, but when the points of the flame circles circumference touched each other it stopped. Now instead of a circle he was encased in a dome.

He had a panic attack, as he remembered a cruel Turkish man holding a heated poker, holding it precariously from his eye. Since the days he had spent in the Turkish court in Constantinople Vlad was afraid of hot objects. His breathing then became irregular and he was slowly suffocating. Vlad didn't know the flames were sucking in all the oxygen from this claustrophobic space. Soon he lost consciousness, the blackness overtaking him.

The dome of flame dissiapatied, the noble children who bore witness to the immensely powerful magic were awed.

"That's got to be at least triangle level."

"Now I know why the professor is the professor."

"Poor bastard didn't have a chance."

Somewhere among the faceless crowed was a smirking brown skinned redhead, her tongue licking her lips as her eyes were hypnotized by the suddenly attractive Professor Colbert.

Several figures appeared on the sky before landing on the ground and jogging towards Colbert.

"What happened?" Asked one of the men who approached. He was wearing a pointy hat and had a large brown beard.

"Miss Vallieres familiar went beserk and attacked her. We need to take him to the infirmary." He said solemnly.

"P-proffesor what are you going to do to him?" Louise asked. Even though the mercenary almost killed her he was still her familiar.

"I don't know Miss Valliere. I don't know."

* * *

Pain, it was the first thing that came to his mind. There was darkness yet he felt pain, like a stake embedded in his head. Did he have a head? Was he dead? No, he opened his eyes to the blaring yellow sun. Noon it had been past noon actually.

Figures more like smudges of ink on parchment then real humans. He blinked once and then twice. Now they looked human, an older gentleman, a man who was ancient by Vlads standards was standing in front of the bed Vlad was lying on, next to him was the spectacles man and the witch who plucked him away from his home and his duties.

Why was he lying on a bed?

He tried to get up but felt something constricting his arms. He looked and saw iron, no steel manacles clasped around his hands. The quality of the steel was phenomenal, Vlad was incredulous. This was steel worthy of being crafted into a weapon of legend not into something as mundane as shackles. These people, they either did not know how precious this steel was or they just did not care.

"Who are you?" With a voice of authority the elder asked the chained Vlad.

Vlad did not pay heed to him, only sifting his fearsome gaze at Louise who was sitting beside him. The girl flinched but managed to regain her composure.

"Go on answer him." She ordered.

"Go shove a stake up your ass." Vlad replied.

"Why I neve-"Before Louise could fully object the man's uncouthness the headmaster merely raised his hand.

"Please Louise let us handle this." The girl grumbled a bit but all in all followed the man's order.

"No there's no need for such harsh threats we only want to know your name Sir .. ?"

"So that you may curse it? So that you make take my soul? I refuse to give my names to a gaggle of demon worshipers." The Impaler harshly answered.

"How da-"

"Miss Valliere." Osmond said with a stern voice and like a well-trained dog Louise silenced herself.

"What makes you think we are demon worshipers Sir? Aren't we all faithful servants of Brimir here ?"

"Brimir? Is that what you people call Satan?"

Louise eyes opened with shock at how the man just disrespected the great Brimir like it was the easiest thing in the world, while Osmond was simply surprised.

"Who is it that you follow Sir?"

Vlad was feeling uneasy now. Even if these people worshiped demons they must at least have some rudimentary knowledge of Jesus.

"Jesus Christ, he who died on the cross."

"Sir where are you from?" Osmond had a sinking suspicion that he knew where this man was from.

"I hail from the principality of Wallachia."

"Can you tell us where it is on this map?"

Osmond nodded his head towards the Professor who handed the chained Vlad a map of Halkegenia. The map was aged and yet inscribed on its paper was something completely unreal. His blood chilled as he saw into a map of Europe. If it was drawn by a one handed half blind cartographer. The countries on the landmass where not the ones Vlad was accustomed too and where was the Iberian Peninsula? What of the lands of Africa? What of Asia Minor the home of the hated Turks? They were all gone.

"What is this? Where is France, Germania? The kingdoms of Castille and Aragon and WHERE IS MY WALLACHIA!"

"Calm down Sir, I'm afraid to inform you that you may not be from this world." At this revelation all were shocked. Vlad felt like a crucible on the verge of exploding. Instead of fighting those Turkish infidels he was stuck here because of sorcery?

Louise meanwhile was dumbstruck. Was she truly that powerful? Was Louise the Zero a mage able in summoning some mercenary from some far flung place?

"Send me back."Vlad said perturbed.

"I'm afraid we can't do that. You gave been summoned as a familiar of Miss Valleire here and that rune on your hand is proof of that." Vlad's head turned towards the glowing rune on his right hand. He remembered the intense pain he felt there, pain that felt like a white hot steel stake had impaled it. Was this what bounded him? Was this what prevented him from going home?

Immediately Vlad started to bite off the skin that was branded by the rune. His hand was severely bleeding as chunks of his flesh were being torn out.

"COLBERT RESTRAIN HIM NOW! MATRON PLEASE CALM HIM DOWN." The professor was upon Vlad in an instant as he struggled in restraining Vlad from furthering injuring himself. An elderly matron of the infirmary appeared beside the Professors side, taking out her wand and casting a calming spell.

The effects were instantaneous; Vlad was now lucid but still had some semblance of consciousness.

"You will never take me." He quietly said.

"I would rather die."

Louise just looked on with horror as her Familiar rejected her so harshly.

* * *

The room was deserted now, twin moons now shining on the window opposite of Vlad. This was not his world. This was not earth. He was trapped in some strange reflection of it, a place where Christianity does not exist, a place where Wallachia does not exist.

He was back to normal after whatever that old hag did wore off. The old man, the professor and the witch left him soon after in order to give him some room to think.

He was quiet, deathly quiet. He was sitting on his bunk, his chained arms drooping on the sides of the bed. His right hand wrapped with a lined bandage.

"If you wish to speak do so now." Vlad said out loud, his head slowly turning towards the maid who was sweeping the floor right of him.

The maid eeped as she froze in fear. She didn't expect the man to notice her spying him, most nobles would completely ignore her which made eavesdropping so much easier. After the rumors about a mercenary being summoned by one of the students she couldn't help herself wondering if the man chained to the bed was that mercenary.

The girl turned and approached the bed of the chained man, propping her broom against the wall before taking a seat.

Vlad noticed the girls peculiar features and how it resembled descriptions of the Mongols who almost destroyed the entirely of Europe.

"I-is it true that you're the man who was summoned by one of the students?" The girl was nervous, rightly so considering Vlads fearsome reputation, a reputation that was by now in tatters back in his old world.

"A student? Does this mean I am in a school?"

"Yes the Tristain school of of magic."

Vlad remembered the name Tristain. It was the name of a small kingdom that was stuck in the middle a larger kingdom and Empire. Just like his dear Wallachia.

"Yes I am that man." Vlad answered.

"Uhm. It must have been horrible to be taken away from your home." The maid was genuinely sad. Compassion like that was hard to come by and often taken advantage off.

"Heh I doubt I would have a home to return to."

"Why is that?"

"I come from the principality of Wallachia, a land that is currently at war."

"War?! With whom?"

"The turks." Vlad immediately soured at the mention of the people who had ravaged his land for years.

"Vile, degenerate heathens whose very existence makes my blood boil." He was oozing with sheer contempt and malice as he described his foes to the maid.

"Were you a mercenary?"

Vlad sighed, not sure what to say. By what right would he call himself a prince if the principality he lorded over did not exist in this strange world?

"No, no I was not. I am Vlad Dracula, prince of the Principality of Wallachia." The chair toppled backwards as the girl immediately stood up and bowed.

"Forgive me for my transgression my liege. I did not mean to presume that I was worthy in asking you anything!" The girl squeaked like a mouse.

"STOP MEWLING LIKE SOME SORT OF COW" Vlad yelled angrily, which only served in making Seista squeal in fright.

"Forgive me, I have struggled with this sin of wroth for years. Please retake your seat." The girl reluctantly fixed her chair upright and resumed sitting. She was trembling in fear.

"Why are you afraid? Have you done any ill towards me ?" Vlad asked.

"Y-you're a noble. Nobles and peasants are different like night and day."

Vlad simply snorted.

"I am no noble. I have no lands and no titles here so I'm like you, a simple peasant. Besides I have heard of peasants who have risen into nobility. So the difference isn't as far as you think."

"B-but in order to be a noble you must be capable of doing magic."

"By what right?"

"By the right of Brimir."

"Ahh Brimir the god you people seemingly worship. I know nothing about this Brimir but in the eyes of my Lord Jesus Christ all men are equal."

"Really? Who is this Jesus?" The girl asked innocently.

"I'm afraid I am neither a scholar nor a monk so I cannot do enough justice to him and I'm afraid it would take the entire night. Maybe someday I might be able to tell you."

"Uhm... can you tell me anything about Wallachia?"

"Wallachia? What would you expect me to say? I am a patriot through and through I would obviously tell you of all of its goodness and how its people are virtuous. But I will not tell you that. I will tell you the truth. Wallachia is a place like any other. It has a diligent hard working population alongside with the lower dung of society who do not either contribute due to sloth or plain selfishness . It is a barren rugged land with many rivers, mountains and hills."

"Is there something about Wallachia that you love?"

"Autumn."

"Autumn?"

"Yes Autumn." Vlad was smiling now as he reminisced about his homeland.

"Did you know for a good chunk of my childhood I spent my time in the Turkish court as a hostage?"

"Thats horrible!"

"Not completely horrible, I managed to learn many things which allowed me to fight against the same Turkish who tutored me. When I first returned to Wallachia did you know what I first saw?"

"No sir what did you see?"

"Trees whose leaves were vibrant with rich shades of orange and amber. The smell of the creatures scurrying about preparing for the winter. I tell you every time I see a Wallachian autumn I feel at peace."

"Sounds beautiful."

From there the conversation ended in an awkward note and after a few minutes the girl resumed conversation.

"I can free you. I know where the keys are and the guards at the gates owe me a few favors. You would be able to slink out of the school without anyone knowing."

Vlad laughed in an uproar at the girls audacity.

"What happens if you were caught?" He asked.

"I-I would be kicked out, or even hanged but I think you're a good person Sir Vlad and you deserve better than serving some uptight noble." The girl was cute and brave. Like a child.

Vlad then frowned. Children, he remembered that he didn't leave any heirs. Although considering what would happen to children if they were captured by the Turkish in might have been better off for Vlad to not raise a family.

"What is your name?"

"My name is Siesta sir."

"Well Siesta you have a kind heart and a brave soul but I'm afraid I cannot let you do that. I mean we have just met and already you are willing to lay your life for me? No you are too young to take such risks, besides I am not from this world and I know nothing of its politics nor geography. Letting me escape this institution is like releasing a fish into a different lake. I'd rather take my chances here."

Seista frowned.

"I am not nice man at all Siesta. I have killed women, children and the elderly in my grab for the throne and against my foes. Even my friends call me the spawn of the devil."

Siesta's eyes widened, how can this man chained to this bed be something akin to the devil?

"Even though, I feel you had a good reason for doing whatever horrible deeds you have done." Damn this girl was truly virtuous but was also clearly gullible.

"How would you know? You've just met me for the first time. Maybe even simply leading you on and taking advantage of your kindness. If circumstances were different I would have killed you for conspiring to aid a prisoners escape. You're a nice girl, one with compassion I have scarcely seen. I don't want your life to suffer because of some stranger you just had one conversation with."

Siesta seemed to waver a bit before finally sighing in defeat.

"Fine, but are you hungry? I doubt the matron is feeding you anything that even has any taste. I can sneak in the kitchen and take a couple of leftovers for you to dine."

"No thank you Siesta. I have undergone worst things than tasteless meals, I will live. You're a really sweet girl Siesta, any man noble or commoner would be lucky to have your hand in marriage." At this Siesta blushed and speak incoherently.

"Are you married by any chance sir Vlad?"

The Impaler chortled at the girl's timidity.

"Who would want to marry a face like this?" Vlad may have been joking but in honesty he wasn't exactly the splitting image of a greek Adonis.

"Looks aren't everything sir Vlad. One day you'll meet a girl who'll love you for whats inside. " With that Siesta stood up and resumed sweeping but not before curtsying to Vlad and thanking him for this conversation.

Vlad now alone in his thoughts again felt melancholy. He wondered if Siesta would say the things she had said if she had a true grasp of the things Vlad had done, the atrocities he had committed for his dear Wallachia. Now here he was. Far from his home and stuck to serve some witch.

And in that night Kazikli Bey, the Impaler Lord clasped his hands in prayer.

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner." He repeated several times before sleeping.


End file.
